I've made the switch...

from Angel Soft to Charmin Ultra, and I'm not going back.


That's about how eventful my life has been lately. What do you tell people when they ask "what's new?" if there isn't much... I'm still out of work, and not going to school.


I had another interview today.
I saw a good movie this evening.

Aside from the boring routine, which usually has me waking up late and going to sleep when I feel like it, I have no focus I suppose. Except MUSIC! I've been infected by Brandi Carlile's music. What a fantastic musician. If I had to describe her style, I would call it a blend of folk-rock that focuses heavily on melodies. Actually, while I'm on the topic, I will share an anecdote.

I got invited by a friend to see Brandi Carlile in concert almost two weeks ago on a Sunday night. I trust(ed) that this person knows my music taste well enough, so I bought a ticket - what might as well have been my last $40 because it was that much of a struggle to actually submit payment on my credit card. I went that first night, though, and was so blown away that I was the first in line at the box office to buy a ticket for the next evening's show, and when I got home I bought all three of her albums on Amazon - "Brandi Carlile", "The Story", and "Give Up the Ghost"... spoiler alert, Amazon has "The Story" for under $8 and I would argue that its her best album. But if you buy just that one, you'll end up buying the other two eventually, so save yourself the trouble... get them all. Select 2-day shipping.

After taking care of the immediate tasks of securing a ticket for Monday's show and then buying all her music, I turned on the tube and saw an "encore presentation" of the MTV Video Music Awards. I was disgusted to watch choreographed lipsync performances of Bieber, Usher, etc... and then I watched Lady Gaga accept the award for video of the year. It was at that moment that I realized, "Where was Brandi Carlile tonight? She wasn't even there, she was on stage, touring, building her fanbase by sharing music that's beautiful and honest." That's when I developed my opinion of pop music. Ok, I've been opposed to pop music for a while, but I've found a term that accurately distinguishes - and I believe it's a term commonly accepted by pop culture.

The difference, the reason why I fell in love with Brandi Carlile's music, is because she is a musician when others are just performers. A performer is little more than a puppet, puppets who call themselves "artists" in red carpet interviews. A musician crafts music that is personal and passionate. They recreate a song every time they take the stage, because they actually play the song instead of just dancing to it with a headset mic. After watching this years VMA's I'm evermore convinced that headset mics are just dummy props.

Two side notes about the VMA's and then I'll wrap up.

• Eminem is different than most pop artists. I watched his performance, and it was 100% genuine as far as I could tell. He really is that angry.
• I watched the cast of Jersey Shore present an award. Please don't form your opinion of this guy from New Jersey based on what you see. They're actors. Puppets, with MTV producers' hands way up their...

En fin. I was shocked by how much I liked Brandi's music. Normally, I only get really excited for a slick guitar solo ... but if you read back just one post, you'll see my 3 axioms for any performer - TONE, MOVEMENT, and CLEVERNESS were all present. In Sunday's concert, she played her first album start-finish, then took the stage again with her normal tour set. She opened the second night in the same manner with her second album, then performed a different set with different covers. It was enchanting. I'm a fan, and just like the Charmin in the bathroom, her music has been on my iTunes daily, with no thought of changing back.

For appearance's sake.

I went to a live concert last Thursday. I go to a lot of live shows, from time to time, and Thursdays are the best because I don't even have to miss work.

Truman, a favorite of most single BYU females, was quite possibly the most educational performance that I've ever hated. They have impressive vocal skills, and their performance is very professional. However, this is where the title of this post comes from, they seemed to play music just for appearance's sake. Do they actually make the kind of music that they, themselves, enjoy? I kind of doubt it. Every turnaround was simple, every chord progression came from a catalog, every keyboard solo kept the yawns coming. The single most interesting number they did was their cover of the Willy Wonka song - "Pure Imagination"... When they performed that, I thought "Now this is COOL." Yet coolness eludes them, ironically, because everything they do just seems so purposefully cool. I just imagine them writing songs and saying to each other, "ok, that will work." I swear that, despite all the approval of that crowd, an audience of guys or blind girls would have found their performance to be a complete bore. What am I getting at?

I'm an advocate for music with soul. I'm giving a shout-out for Ryan Innes, the artist of the night. I was moved by his performance.

It's how I mourn, rejoice, cope, laugh, love. It's my primary emotional outlet. That being said, it's not just therapy. I love the craft of writing amazing and clever, but concise and emotive lyrics. I love the concept of creating something that never existed before. I love always having my antennas up for new ideas, lines, phrases. My goal is to make people feel something

That's why he makes music? AWESOME. You can listen to Ryan's EP by following the link on the article quoted above... but his live performance is what I'm recommending. The cd is a nice souvenir that I can pop in to remind myself of the good times I had, but the recording alone doesn't give you what I witnessed at the show. After being so thoroughly dissatisfied by the performance of Truman, I was seeking for signs of life on stage.

First sign of life? The TONE.

When I go to a show, I listen to the music. It makes me sad that there are so many "professional" musicians who don't give a damn about tone! I'm talking about guitarists who soundcheck just for the sake of making sure it's loud enough. Or drummers who's set-up is sparkly and new but don't know how to tune a drum head. The keyboard, the guitar, the bass, and even the drums had an amazingly colorful blend of tones. I was actually extremely impressed by the drummer. That kit just rang and resonated with such crispness and texture. All these just accentuated the thick bluesy vocal tone of their frontman, Ryan. In addition, there is a variety of tones, each appropriate for the song. Some grunt in some songs, where the guitarist goes a for a bit of crunch, the drummer hits the cymbals heavily, and the singer growls a bit. Then there are the tender songs, were the guitarist uses swells and delays for ambiance, the drummer plays with brushes or felt-heads instead of regular sticks, and the singer irons the rasp out of every note.

Second sign of life? The movement.

I'm also reminded of another recent performance by Gypsy Cab at the same venue. That lead guitarist/vocalist moved just like Jimi Hendrix... it also doesn't hurt that he sounded just like him. Stage presence is sort of secondary. I have seen shows where the singer was confident and the band had rock-ability. However, the body language of a soulful jazz-blues musician is emotive. It's not emotive in the same way that an emo indie-folk singer-songwriter is emotive. In blues music, emotive body language is an indication of somebody feeling the music - the tone, the dynamics, the pauses, the slow beats. The artist sways, closes his eyes, and in the case of Ryan, he contorts his free hand (the one not holding the mic) almost as if he has minor cerebral palsy. Strange description, I admit. The guitarist closes his eyes and bobs his head as he gently strums a chord. The drummer moves with the beat - almost dances in his chair - and he smiles and nods at the other players when they face his direction. When I picked up on all these signs of life, I leaned over to my friend and band-mate and said (pointing to each player), "He likes the music." Basically, they were each feelin' it.

I liked what I heard, too. Last sign of life? Cleverness.

When I hear a lyric that I didn't expect, or a guitar solo melts my face, or the drummer throws in a funky breakdown that the rest of the band miraculously follows, my reaction is usually - I laugh. That's right, I hold my hand up to my mouth and I cackle, "Oh ho ho, what?" And then I look around to see if anyone else looks impressed. This usually happens on a first listen, but CAN happen every night if the artist plays with passion and pushes themselves in new directions. You could tell Ryan had practiced his songs and performed them with expert precision. However, with a savvy spark of improvisation, each note didn't have the exact backing of the recording. * THIS is why I say that his live performance is better than the recording. You get to hear his newest twist on this or that turnaround.

So now you can easily see what kind of musician I strive to be. I'm telling you, that juxtaposition was eye-opening. I REALLY enjoy good music, because seeing someone cover ^these^ three signs of life at one time is just really fun.

Tomorrow is a pretty big performance for me, and I have been reflecting on Ryan Innes's performance for a week now. Up till this point, the Blues Jam at Boothe Bro's Theater has just been a monthly thrashing of nerves, for which I am usually very appreciative. At least I've experienced some stage time. Yet time allows for two or three songs per act, and I was getting bored with the act that we had going for a while. Guitar soloing is a blast, but I volunteered to sing in two recent jams just for the extra challenge. My goals for tomorrow night. (1) stay poised, never appear flustered. (2) enjoy myself. (3) impress the hell out of some girls in the audience - I have my hopes ... and (4) hit the three big points I listed - tone, movement, and cleverness - dial in the sounds I want, close my eyes and tilt my head to the side, and maybe take some chances singing in ways I've never attempted before.

No matter what. It's not just for appearance's sake - meaning it's not just a presentation to the audience. While I play, I try to impress my band mates, plus my own ears. I think that's why I enjoy band practice so much.

I'm an olympic speed-skater.

What do Olympians do for the other 3 out of 4 years? How do they answer in a casual conversation, "What do you do?"

"I skate".

I withdrew. "What do you do?" ... "Anything but attend BYU."

So this abrupt change in the course of life has me wondering what I want to do. I talk to my mom about it once in a while, but I get impatient because she always tells me that I can do whatever I want. It's almost encouraging, because she always insists that I'll be the first millionaire of the family. But I still feel two-feet-small over dropping out from college.

Planning for the future.
1. I want a job that has no weight to bear on my time outside of work. Case-in-point: I considered a law degree, but lawyers work too much. I love going to work at Goodwood because I know that at the end of the night my work is over and there's no homework, except wash my clothes.

2. I want a job that is interesting. A racing instructor! Those guys must love their jobs. Food critics, even more. I love food, love cars, love photography, and love music. Yeah, I was a political science major, but I have nothing to show for it, and no passion for politics.

3. I feel like I'm so close to becoming a manager at my current job - Goodwood BBQ. I've been a server for 2 years, racked up some responsibility as a trainer, an expo, and a closer. I chased down the owner today and asked him why no one has returned my calls. He said I need to work my way into a little extra responsibility (all the previously mentioned items). He was pleased to hear that I've already fulfilled most of the prerequisites. He says it's time for him to talk to my manager, ask him what he thinks of me getting the job... then I'll interview in 2 weeks maybe.

The reason why I bring up speed skaters is this. How do they make a career out of sport? And furthermore, a sport that is only really recognized one in every four years. What kind of barriers to entry are there in the sport of speed skating? How do you pay the bills so you can keep doing what you want? In any career, it seems like it just matters if you get to talking to the right people, then you're in.

Let's say I decide to try stand-up comedy, who do I talk to?
Let's say I decide to try rally racing, who do I talk to?
Let's say I decide to try concert promotion, who do I talk to?

All these are things that I can actually picture myself doing. Not because I'm good at any one of them, but none of them require a college degree, just passion and a little talent. I'm not the cookie cutter BYU student ...

Brief Update.

Follow-up on previous posts:
1. i did pretty well on that written exam (even though i didn't study much)
2. i didn't go record anything in the studio. just wasn't ready.
3. i think about the bug again and again, even though i sold the wheels and engine parts.
4. i still haven't put on those new shoes

In other news, i took matt's engagement picture

i had a vegas valentine's... just to get out of provo. Highlight? Drove through the night to see the sunrise at hoover dam




... and lake mead

and back to the dam again...

purging

Sitting on a wad of $20's an inch thick. I sold a set of Porsche rims that I bought over a year-and-a-half ago for the bug. That project has pretty much died in my dreams. I used to spend all my money on that, now it's other things.

The things we spend our money on, then hold onto... I never meant to just let them sit there. Getting rid of them just says "I'm done with that. Not even going to hold onto them just in case."
Would have been cool.

But forget the past. It's now a headache, a noose around my neck. Think of all that cash that's tied up in tools, parts, ... It used to make me happy. Now I'd be happy if I could sell it all, but nobody wants it all. I have to give it away little by little, taking less than what I paid for it. Still, it feels good to purge. Move on. Find happiness in other things that life is offering you right now. Throw out some old clothes too while you're at it. Then go buy some new ones. It changes you little by little.

It happens to me every time I buy new shoes. You grow attached to a pair, after having them for a year or so... they just fit you (on your feet, and on your persona...) Each new pair changes that a bit. You may love them more than your old shoes, but that old pair is still somewhere in your closet. New shoes define your personality sometimes. You walk around puddles at least. That old pair stays in the closet forever tho, until you finally decide to let go - to the thrift store or the dumpster, depending on how many holes in the soles.

If the truth be told... I've got 10 pairs of shoes, plus 1 still in the box that I have purchased but still not worn out of the house. Some (my slip on vans) should have been thrown out when they started to break. Others (my running shoes) hardly ever get worn. The new ones? I guess I'm waiting for the right time for another reinvention. Every time you reinvent yourself you get rid of another pair of shoes.

I used to love working on cars. Now I just want to make music.

essence

So I have approximately 26 hours till I have to take a written exam about early political philosophy. I also have just 26 days till I go into the recording studio for a 2-song acoustic demo. If recording was tomorrow and exams in a month I might get some songs done and then have the ability to focus during class.

I'm actually not terribly frightened about the exam. I could wing it... and who cares.
But February is a short month, and before I know it I will have to call the guy and tell him that I haven't got anything to record. I could be finished with both songs tomorrow, but probably with Mickey-Mouse lyrics. Lots goes through my mind actually. Nothing sticks because I'm afraid it won't be good enough.

Two weeks ago I downloaded Joshua James' "Build Me This" album on iTunes. His songs are not just intensely emotional (which is not my usual cup of tea), they are so musically complete. Nothing is cliche about them, that's what really caught my attention. It seems like he never approaches unrequited love, or rose petals and rainbows. He sings about "dirty pitchforks," "mother mary," "repairs on that broken road back home."

This has raised a new challenge. I get to record 2 songs, and if I still have no lyrics in two weeks or so I will have to resort to cheesy lyrics about girls. If I can make a cool statement on something totally unrelated to romance/relationships then I will be almost as cool as JJ. I want to write something insightful, not mushy. I want to write a song with attitude.

"I ain't pickin' up a paper til the wild wind blows..."

So in my search for something insightful to sing about, I thought about Philippe Bénéton - Equality by Default. Just the title grabbed my attention, and I've never read a book that I enjoyed so much which picks apart western culture so harshly. It really made me feel bad for being such a modern individualist. Half of the book left, and I think I got something to write a song about. But what if there is something, the crowning jewel of his whole argument, in Part III: The Fool's Bargain? I think for now I should write about "soulless institutions"... that caused the most reflection.

In a nutshell:

Technically, there are institutions that still create distinctions between elites and everyday joes. But these "soulless institutions" have no meaning anymore. People/organizations with titles are not admired, but torn down. And the position they hold has no formal value, it is merely procedural. We have created this equality by default because we have torn apart all sacred symbols. Authority means nothing, and young adults exercise the human right to disobey all established norms. Not only does this give those under authority to act autonomously, it also relieves those in authority of all their responsibility. Parents are no longer expected to discipline their children, judges are hardly expected to abide the laws they uphold in the courtroom, and clergy may or may not act piously when not giving sermons. To bring the meaning back into life, someone has to awaken this sense of reverence that has been lost.

... 147 words. way too much for a song

Every time I've sat down to write a song, whether it be cheesy-easy love-ballad or if I have something more/less complicated to express (more or less, depending on how you look at love songs, simple or complicated... i'd say love songs are simple, love is complicated.) I have had a difficult time limiting my words. I try to tell it all - like the synopsis of Bénéton's chapter 4. How will I capture the essence of what I'm trying to express? I'll let you know when it's done.

New Blog.

Once upon a time (circa 2002) I started a blog. It helped. Friends understand better; I started to pick apart what I thought while writing. I wonder if I can still log on to diaryland.com

nope.

So insomnia. I think it causes many people to blog. Internet-Insomnia, in that sense, makes people more productive? At least more expressive, who knows if blogging is productive. I'm sick of youtube... sick of day dreaming (all night long).

What do I plan on writing about? All my crazy ideas of course. This is to try and figure out why I have trouble sleeping at night. Some things you should expect to see:

good music
complaints about college life
crazy lists of cars i hope to own
food love
dating and love
photographs
challenging questions

I've always liked creative-writing. Essays for political science classes are surprisingly difficult, even though I used to be considered a good writer - ask Mrs. Ellen Quirk.

This blog will be productive as long as it helps me find my way. I used to ... I don't know.